Jokes and Humor

wish I could think so quickly

Cuddles — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:43:27 GMT

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

[b]After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle
from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer
complaints."[/b]

Train Delay

Cuddles — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:35:05 GMT

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language ...

Going to Iraq

Cuddles — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 18:40:25 GMT

A soldier ran up to a nun, out of breath, he asked, "Please may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later". The nun agreed. A moment later two military police ran up and asked, "Sister have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, �He went that way. " After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under the skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq. " The nun said she understood completely. ...

Can't Explain

Cuddles — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 22:51:34 GMT

A Farmer walks into the local bar and sits down at the bar. The Farmer mumbles, "Some things I just can't explain." The bartender, who knows the Farmer as Jim, asks, "What do you mean Jim?". "Well, you know my old cow Betsy? I was milking her this morning and out of the blue she knocks the pail of milk over with her right back leg. So I picked up a piece of rope laying nearby and cut me off a piece. I tied her leg to the post nearby, but some things I just can't ...

A Town Without Woman

Cuddles — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 02:37:06 GMT

In a Poor town in the middle of nowhere and no women, A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "How can you live in this town without any women?". The bartender replies, "It's not that bad, sir, when we get lonely we go out back where there is a barrel with a knothole in it. It never sounds appeasing at first, but after one try you're hooked." So after a few beers, the guy starts getting a little lonely and tells the bartender he's gonna go find the barrel. At ...

Blind Carpenter

Cuddles — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:57:04 GMT

A blind carpenter walks into a lumber mill and shouts out, "I am a blind carpenter and I need a job." The foreman walks over to the blind carpenter and says, "If you're blind, how can you work in a lumber yard?" The blind carpenter says, "I can tell any piece of lumber by it's smell." The foreman says "O.K. I'll give you a test and if you pass the test, you've got a job." The foreman takes the carpenter over to a table and says, "I ...

Some possible computer bumper stickers

rich5lee — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:48:04 GMT

I thought some of these were funny, so here they are! Some possible computer bumper stickers 1. BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding 2. <-------- The information went data way 3. The name is Baud...James Baud. 4. BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! 5. Access denied--nah nah na nah nah! 6. C:V> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) 8. Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking ...

New-Born Spaghetti

Cuddles — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 12:27:00 GMT

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six ...

They asked the question, "IS THERE A GOD?"

rich5lee — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 18:31:39 GMT

They asked the question, "IS THERE A GOD?" ************************************************ Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that was built. Finally the big day was at hand. All the computers were linked together. They asked the question, "IS THERE A GOD?" Suddenly there was a loud crash, and in a brilliant explosion of silicon and plastic the computers fused into ...